@,@

my sister has confronted me about my health today
i knw it was coming
the "i already eat" excuse could only last me for so long.
it was hard enough looking and acting healthy
but having to tell her
" it hurts"
was so pain full for me..not physically,
having to c her face wen i said "it hurt"
her face twisted up into a ball of pain
i could tell she was trying to hold back tears
my sister is strong
but im enough to break her

she paused for a good 3 min not looking at me
i suspect she was trying to compose her self
mean while i was shaking, my knees felt wably like i would calaps again
so sat down and looked at my hands
clenching them in to fist, i sat up strait and tried my best not to frighten her

"how long ,..how long has this been going on for" she said barley above a whisper
"at first it was just the loss of apitight...its normal..so i forced my self to eat..but i couldn't"
what do you mean u couldn't?" she looked up at me then, questioning why something so simple as picking up a spoon and bringing it to my mouth was so hard
its hard to explain, its like a stabbing burning pain slowly passing threw me, the feelings so bad that i guess my mind stops me from having to go threw that agin...so i don't eat, but i have to ..so i force my self"
"OH GOSH~! THERS OTHER WAYS! U CAN B FEED THREW THE MASHIN AGAIN! Y DO U PUT UR BODY THREW THIS!" she yelled getting up from her seat

i dint want to have to do what i did next

"im calling the hospital, where going to put u in the tube"

THE TUBE is a thick plastic y cold sick tasting tube, thats slid down inside ones thought force feeding.
i hate it
that would have solved nothing

so i hurt her again
"it's not necessary ill eat! i don't need it. im not that pathetic! im still a human being!" i was angry i was hurting i lashed out at my sister...all she wanted to do was help
she looked at me..she really looked at me
and she started to cry
i don't knw if she realized when it started
but tears where running down her cheeks
she just stood ther
phone in hand
my sister looked 14
and i remembered wen i was 9.
my sister is so strong
all her life she's been looking out for me

my sister is trying to b a dr....wen ppl ask her y .
.she gives the a bright smile
"i want to b the one to cure her"

my sister has no social life
its me school work me

im the worst
ive taken her life
my sister is beautiful
she's lovely
but because of me she has not been able to live her life
its about time she does

"y don't u get ur self a life and stop worrying about mine!!" i yelled i wasn't thinking clearly
my sister drooped the phone and sprinted to me
She slapped me hard across the face hard.
i lost balance
and hit the floor hard
took her 4 sec to realize what just happened

in those 4 sec i planked out
passed out

i woke up n i was attached to the iv...and the tube...
my sister was waiting right next to me

again holding my hand
wen r eyes met
She quickly cleared her tears and looked away .

she was going to say something
i stopped her
"im sorry" is what i said
but the tube made it sound like "piory"
"i love u sis"
was "uloses"

she looked hurt n confused

i took of the tube
it hurt so bad
she tried to stop me but i tugged at it so fast that what i said next was right in her face
"IM SORRY!! IM SO SORRY!! I LOVE U! IT WOUSENT UR FAULT!! IT WAS MINE!"

my sister jumped back
and held her ears

she looked at me and smiled that warm beautiful smile of hers
"i knw...i understood u. i was going to say me to"
:)

i love my sister, she can gets me..sometimes
but when she does my heart feels warm

im sorry i took away ur time
i knw ill leave u soon..i want to make sure thers some one to hold u when i cant anymore

:) love ur dearest sister
the whiterabbit