i dont mind :)

i don't mind walking in the rain
i don't mind the sweet sounds as the rain drops gently hit my uncovered skin.
it makes me feel alive.
on rainy days i like taking my time to get home. i take a different way home.
where no one can tell ur crying cuz it'll just look like rain.
where in the distance, miles away , u can see the clouds in thier many shades of white and gray.
where if ur lucky,
a rainbow brightens up your day
days like this make me feel alive
they seam to take my mind off the pain :)
i guess ill miss walking home on thez days.

i want to feel truly alive one day
before i feel nothing
and slowly pass away

no need to fear

no need to fear
death is near
they gave me a time
the day is almost here
will i survive?
will my heart run out of power and then just stop
will i just calaps and die?
will i be in agany as i take my last couple of breaths?
the time is almost here
the day they all told me not to fear
cuz they say i might survive
but they just have lost thier minds
i feel its time
thier the ones who r reluctent to let me go
this thin worn out red string that conects us all to the heart.

im alive?

i was in the red zone for 3 weeks..
i couldn't leave that dam hospital..
I'm getting tired of thus
is it rely worth it?
i saw so much in those 3w weeks
they felt like years
at one point the Dr said i was in a coma
my organs stopped functioning for 3.4 min.
I'm peeing purple
i was dead!!
but I'm alive?
death felt much better
it was like if a wait was taken off my shoulders
i woke up kicking
i was tyring to catch my self
it hurt so much
when i was younger the Dr said death wouldn't hurt
that it would take me and surround me like a blanket...he never told me what it was like to come back
he never said the blanket was the darkest feeling you could feel
i felt so alone
like it took a little peace of me
like my freedom of choice wasn't mine
it took what made me human
the feeling was so unbearable
it felt like a pouch in the gut that knocked me off my feet
i woke up kicking trying to catch my self
i was in the same hospital bed, the same painting on the wall ,the same feeling of hopelessness.
the white walls that surrounded me seamed to b trapping me.
i chocked on the tube in my mouth . the nurses came in after i had knocked down the iv
i didn't understand what was going on i thought i was still dead
i was shaking and i sadly pooped my self...it was purple.
the nurses had to restrain me
the Dr came in and told me to settle down that it was alright
that god had had me in his arms but gave me back
bull!!
that was no god
that was no heaven
i was no where
empty darkness with shadows
their is no god!!
only darkness!!
they pronounced me dead August 4, 2010 at 6:14 pm
I'm still alive but i feel more dead.
i came back 6 min later i was alive again...if their is a god
he has a sick sense of hummer

dam

found my self in the hospital again
sister said she found me passed out in the kitchen
i had an attack and hit my head on the sink
i have a huuggeee bump in the side of my head
the nurse said i have to get more x rays done ....my hands broken....idk htf that happend -,- im typing with my left hand ...like a boss

what does it feel like to live?

what does it feel like to live?
i only knw how it feels to die right now
i cant remember how to feel alive

to feel dead is to feel as if u are above the living
as if u feel nothing at all
to feel dead feels like theirs something empty in ur chest
like a throbbing feeling in ur heart
like it will break in billions of peaces
like taking each breath slow
like ur milk between the expiration line

what does it feel like to b alive?

when i grow up

threw out my life no one ever asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up
some have but they didnt care
why would it matter
im deaing any way
why think so far ahead
thats what one of my cllass maits told me when it was my tern to stand up and present to the class what i wanted to b
but like 97% of the class
i will never b what i wanted to b
y imberis my self by actioly opening up to thez nobodes. not like if im ging to c them after this
nit like they woud actioly care
so i said i wanted to be a lowyer
do i realy? haha
no.would they knw? no
i got a B-
hahaha
what i realy want to b is a person that drives everywher and shows art to ppl from diffrent places
a moving musiam if u will.
but im going to die... so i dont have the right to believe .
thats what this chick in my class would say
fucken natzi!
but yeah

the fear is real?

why do we fear it?
is it because its so different to us?
is it because we don't knw them?
they live
they burn
they die
like us
how does that make them so different
something to fear
something unknown
they breath
they feel they knw
what makes us so different
we fear whats so smiler to us
just because were scared of them doesn't give us the right to hate them
why hate what we don't knw?
that just makes us something to fear