eh~

my mind is in another place.....wher was it at before that made it change :/
eh~
sometimes i feel eh~
hard to explain...
my chest feels tight
my body feels heavy
but i have to do something
or i think ill explode
so i runn
i runn as fast as i can
but i dont seam to go anywhere...
have u ever felt like that?
like ur tring so hard to get somewher but u end up not moving
so u try 2x as hard n get further then u wer before then geting anywher?
but then i think......if it takes me trying hard to stay wer im at
and 2x as hard to go back
if i do nothing will i go ahead?
but life doesnt work like that :/

or does it?
if i dont do anything im not running...y was i running in the first place?
oh thats right!
cuz ill explode...but y would i explode ...cuz my body goes haywhire
it something i cant cantrol
i have to move
i have to stop the feeling

but if i run 2x n go back n run hard i stay wer i am then how do i stop if i dont run i go further then wher i was...hoow do i stop?
is stoping wher i want to b ?

sorry im rambeling
@,@

thez r things i think about wen i cant sleep

to sick to go out and play
as a child that was the excuse my caretakers would tell kids in my neighborhood who wanted to play with me
i liked going out out side
i liked looking up at the sky
feeling so small in the big world
i would tell my self i would go explore it all one day
but
im to sick to go out n play
im to sick to make it out of bed

someone once told me limitations wher only in the mind
what limits me from leaving the safty of my home?
thos mental limitations?
those fears?

isnt that what stops us all from doing what we want?
r u all to sick to go out n play?

i want to get out of bed,
i want to strech out my arms to the sky

but im to sick to go out n play

bla

Haven't posted in a long time....
so here i go

The part I loved the most about my body...was my boobs....
yes was
now i look at my chest n c stitches going down to the center between my lovely breasts :(
now i like nothing about my body :(
but all my scars tell a story
like the one in my nee
wen i tried to b normal n skateboard...ended up falling haha
or the one in my forearm : from wen i wanted to clime a tree...failed..i lack upper body strength -,-


the scar in my heart..from wen they opened me up in order to extend my time, eh~
what ive been up to lately?
making friends :3
but i let some go , for ther own good...even if they dont knw it yet :)