heart downer

a girl around my age with the same blood type and the same race was pronounced brain dead2 hr ago
she was hit by a car walking home from school tragic isn't it?
the doctor told her mother about me
how her heart would be of great use for me
how she would save a life
the mother said no
"saving someone else's child and leaving urs to die!! how could u ask this of me dr." the Dr. says the women was hysterical
the dr. told me "she still thinks her daughter has a chance"
the dr. explained to her many times that the probability of her daughter waking up was 1/1000
even if she did wake up shed b a vegetable
the lady wouldn't hear of it

its raining in wonderland
it just wont stop

im in the hospital again
i stayed out in the rain 4 to long yesterday trying to watch the winter solstice
i have the iv pulling on me.

the Dr. says he will try to convince the mother
but that time is limited
i my self want to convince her to save my life
haha
because i want to live
its actually the first time ive ever said this
i want to live
haha
...
dosnt sound right coming from me

i builded up all my strength to go talk to the mother
so i could personally convince her
wen i got to the room i found my mother their
on her knees begging that girls mother to give me her heart
my mother cried and begging the women to save me

the girls mother looked at my mother with a blank stare
she wasn't really their
she lolled her head to her daughter
all bruised and cut. and cried letting her tears drip out of her face
my mother still continued to beg for my life..

i walked back to my room . the nurse was waiting for me
she pricked me with needles and took my blood.
i looked away
and sobbed
" come now it didn't hurt that much" the nurse said stomping away

my mommy loves me T^T
i feel like im 5 today
i just want to cry and cry and let my mommy hold me and tell me its all going to b ok
that is all aright
that ill b ok
i knw i wont
but just having her say that
having her hold me
makes me feel like i can get better

i want to b 5 again

haha i remember what was written on the bathroom stall
"wish it away"
i wish i was 5
i wish i didn't have this pain
i wish i can live
i wish before i die,...to make sure i tell my mommy how much i love her
to tell her it will b ok
to hold her and tell her ill b ok
that every thing will b alright
to not have any regrets and to see me off with a smile
im sorry mommy but i don't think i can hold on much longer
but this isnt a fairy tail
this isnt pretend
wonderland is slowly closing its doors
-whiterabbit